kara troglin

a music girl with stars in her hair

2009-01-05T05:06:20Z

Sipping on a German Riesling white wine, it's never felt so good going down my throat. I have been writing unbelievably lately, so many words that have been nagging at me to get out. I have one week left in this Texas city and then finally on my way to Portland. I cannot wait to be rejoined with Shea Solomon, to finally.. just finally be with him. After a year of being two thousand miles apart our hearts are exhausted and ready to be in love fully, no mountains dividing, no more midnight phone calls, but plenty of midnight kisses. We are in love. We are perfect. We are together. And when I see him next Wednesday I won't have to prepare myself for our typical goodbyes, but rather a future with this handsome man. So I'll keep sipping my wine, write some more stories, finish my packing, and prepare for the days ahead.
Oh to be in love, oh to be young, beautiful, and with the man of your dreams, finally.

the beauty of a single sycamore

2008-12-21T18:47:17Z

I have been sitting at the kitchen table every night and every morning, flipping pages, reading stories, finding words, and writing them down. I have been unable to stop studying all of these lovely pieces.
I wanted to be the one with road dust on my boots and a single silver earing and a suitcase full of notes and a band of wayward children with their fathers left behind in all their castles in their air and houses in their land. lives getting lost in mending gaps in their fencing all i ever wanted was a road without end.

portland, oregon: jan 16 2009

2008-12-17T08:35:55Z

One month to date/ out of this place/ in a car/ on mountain roads/ with a charming man/ to a beautiful city/ to captivate me.

I have this terrible tugging in my throat, it's awfully soar and horrible. I can't sleep, so I just read and write. I am going to miss a whole lot of people, old friends, past crushes, and of course my family.

northern trees whispering please.

2008-10-28T05:11:47Z

I just want to get back.

alone in a house with rain on the outside

2008-10-14T19:24:59Z

& having been unable to write for months.

with
autumn on my sleeves
new black boots on my feet. i don't even like them and my throat hurts.

definition:

2008-10-12T06:59:51Z

isn't this?

2008-09-27T04:41:56Z

is this it.

sometimes i think of carrying myself out to sea

2008-09-06T01:29:16Z

i want to live as an offering

2008-08-30T05:01:08Z

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

One of the most important things in life is to learn how to give out love, and how to let it come in. Why are we so embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise?

My favorite subject is compassion.

TROMPE-L'OEIL

2008-08-24T02:57:56Z

experiencing the present purely is being emptied and hollow;
you catch grace as a man fills his cup under a waterfall.

1:04am catch it if you can

2008-08-22T06:15:22Z

There is slipping in and out. always slipping. always surfacing some hidden charm.
I close my eyes and I have got this image tugging, is it something worthwhile? The image is translucent, glowing, blue. I am sweeping it into my hands, tightening the fists, and penetrating my finger nails into the skin of my palms. Keeping the image tucked inside this time.

For me, it is critical to believe in beauty and critical to love (even if not loved in return). I believe there is something big headed my way, I am ready to tackle its tasks with all my artistry and aesthetic knowledge. There is no one to compare to the incomporable beauty flowing, not on this surface. A half-cracked mask.
For my readers, it is critical to dig deeper than I do in my writing. It is also suggested to listen to haruka nakamura (as well as many other Japanese musicians) on repeat, specifically when reading anything I have written. Oh will the world change then, like I change as the seasons change - each one participating their own act of grace in all four seasons.

This is my act of grace to the world. Catch it if you can. Catch the seasons if you can.

halfway between here & there

2008-08-21T23:07:38Z

Here is the word from a subatomic physicist: "Everything that has already happened is particles, everything in the future is waves."

Let me twist his meaning. Here it comes. The particles are broken; the waves are translucent, laving, roiling with beauty like sharks. The present is the wave that explodes over my head, flinging the air with particles at the height of its breathless unroll; it is the live water and light that bears from undisclosed sources the freshest news, renewed and renewing, world without end.

is it, oh sweet girl?

2008-08-17T05:55:23Z

what does my nineteen years have to offer me?
once, i had the sky to hold me. this big blue sky holding me in place, it really was a beautiful thing. oh the glory of God.

i want facts, not french phrases

2008-08-14T04:56:47Z

Friday, August 08, 2008

the sky is being big and grand on this late morning. it is rumbling and about ready to crumble down and take me with it. i would love for the skies to break open, wet rain like falling crystals and diamonds to pierce the gardens in my forest, and the clouds all thick, gray, like smoke would drink the golden sun in, wipe its mouth and bury my sadness inside. there is a world so fascinating with a woman luring in dark corners of his mind, she will drink the sun in and tie rosebuds along strands of her hair, and then kiss you long and hard on the mouth.
what have you got in your hands that the sky wants to take in?

I close my eyes and I see stars;

2008-08-08T04:40:34Z

Martin Buber tells this tale:
"Rabbi Mendel once boasted to his teacher Rabbi Elimelekh that evenings he saw the angel who rolls away the light before the darkness, and mornings the angel who rolls away the darkness before the light. 'Yes,' said Rabbi Elimelekh, 'in my youth I saw that too. Later on you don't see these things anymore.' "

I cannot cause the light; the most I can do is try to put myself in the path of its beam. The secret of seeing is to sail on solar wind. Hone and spread your spirit till you yourself are a sail, whetted, translucent, broadside to the merest puff.
I close my eyes and I see stars, deep stars giving way to deeper stars, deeper stars bowing to deepest stars at the crown of an infinite cone.

Shall we launch again into the deep and row up the skies?

2008-08-07T04:22:25Z

I want to live tucked in the corners of Canadian Islands or Alaskan land. I would have a small cabin for a study to do my most excellent works of writing. The small area would be very cold and not insulated. So I would have to learn to split wood, so far I have learned that you aim at the chopping block, not at the wood itself.
~

Finished reading The Writing Life by Annie Dillard and recently started on another one of her famous one's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. I love reading non-fiction, I mean, nothing wrong with fiction it is just that non-fiction offers me this sort of delight I cannot seem to find elsewhere. It offers me the reality of each spectrum of life, the tumbling and the picking up of it all. I relate best with non-fiction and I plan on circulating its honest brillancy throughout my years to come.

Inspiring quotes as of lately:
"The most demanding part of living a lifetime as an artist is the strict discipline of forcing oneself to work steadfastly along the nerve of one's own most intimate sensitivity." - Anne Truitt (sculptor)

"Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life.... know your own bone: gnaw at it, bury at it still." - Thoreau

"It's easy, after all, not to be a writer. Most people aren't writers, and very little harm comes to them." - Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot

i am bare in a midst-mad forest. only the moon shows me love.

2008-07-29T05:54:30Z

walk toward what you don't know - the moon will take you there.

Although, you never wanted, did you, a journey as simple as that. straining against flight, doing what she never dreamed (actually, what she often dreamed but never dared.)
the moon is a cold body and I am thinking of planting two oleanders in tubs. When shall I get back to that other world?

I am sure. I am surely in love.

~~~
Feeling out of place in my own hometown, nobody here nearly on the same path as I am. Craving some Northwest air, culture, people. I am planning on putting all of my energy towards that place so I am there by January. Also, really establishing a writing/reading workspace in the corner of my room. Since I will only be taking one science course this semester and not going full time, I must engage in an accumulation of books, novels, articles, world news... So I will be writing in this journal much more about my findings and thoughts.

Just finished reading Annie Dillard's found poem collection called Mornings Like This. and decided to take up mental hygiene because it is much needed now.
Wouldn't she like to be a vagabond without responsibilities.

.

hold your secrets

2008-07-08T03:12:06Z

are you happy, girl?
"...But me? I dream; I dream things into life. My entire self is but a dream reinvented into living with every motion I make..."

I am landlocked, but I've got a heart for the sea. Today a dream was planted..A course of action will be directed towards this end. east tempered winds have left me in this place.
sometimes below me, i feel like i am walking on a rotten sea. how long have i got before this wind sets this body a sail. i hear quarrels of love, there is contagion spiraling into the homes,
- love, it's a filthy thing sometimes.
sometimes i want nothing to do with it.
not even its murmurs.
appearing bitter like frigid cold air, but i will sail much smoother on this sea if the clouds are warm and the sun sets with pleasant arms reaching towards my eyes. not a soul in sight. just a sail on shaky waters where love cannot get to me. terribly stranded and satisfied.

the long slender fingers
delegating the palms
orchestrating through the arms
towards the brain.
-hands, they are the premise of the soul. -

thunder is magnificent, how it echoes off the walls of the world. a tall obese world, pregnant & shifting
through space & time.
it's like it is going to just break down
at any moment.
come crumbling crashing down. i am too deep for this body.

How critical it is to sail yourself far, far away from home; reaching revelations. I have got worlds you have yet to see, forming beneath me.
Trembling, as losing oneself in their beloved. Should we be satisfied with the morning dew or should we yearn for the man of noon?
I just wish it was easier for me to tell you what I really want. And I probably never will.

Always hold your secrets to your heart.

that kind of girl

2008-06-21T15:40:53Z

i woke up today feeling excellent with some words to get out of my lungs, sitting alone in this empty house way up on a mountain in North Carolina.

I'd like to be a North Carolina girl, a Chicago girl, maybe even a Portland girl, a Santa Fe girl sounds rather nice as well, and so does a Vietnam girl. Even the sound of a girl living on a ship in the Atlantic ocean, yes I'd like to be that kind of girl.

143.
August 25 - "Look, honey," she said, very firm, very deliberate, "when I don't want to be kissed, I don't get myself kissed. I'm a big girl now; I can take care of myself."
The guy grinned. "You know," he said with a laugh, "I'm awfully glad to hear you can take care of yourself with me. Because I've been out with a lot of girls who sure as hell couldn't."

portland

2008-06-19T22:46:00Z

the sound and the name of the city will not stop haunting me. it is all over the place.
all charming and magnetic to me, like a prelude to the future, however ridiculously enigmatic at times. but some of the greatest ever known just pouring out of there, like it was meant for a bit more radiance from this gallant young woman.

and i think i might want it.
but then
there is

everything else to think about.
&
everywhere else i could be.

i want to be somewhere inspiring. lovely, wet, green, lush, sometimes dark, sometimes light, with those gentle hands along the sides. and all this good art in me to get out of my system.
I am not very positive that Chicago can offer me this, it is all cold and blistering, all vacant and business empowered. I want the natural, the laid back grins and friends that can offer me goodness.
But I've heard it said, time again inside myself and from my brother that with the job I want I should be headed towards Chicago, and maybe I should just put up with the few years of blistering winters, and city air.
But I mean...really... it's not all that great.
now, a place like Portland would be.

I just want to run out of this place.

she's got everything she needs

2008-06-13T21:39:32Z

one of the greatest feelings in the world is feeling entirely unattached to what has once suffocated you. and that's exactly how i feel right now, marvelous and unafraid.

maybe it's the growth i have had, or all these books i have been reading, but whatever it is... i am so thankful i can smile and truely mean it now.

Bob Dylan, as he always seems to do so well, speaks for me so clearly "she's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back. she can take the dark out of the night time and paint the day time black. She wears an egyptian ring, it sparkles before she speaks. Bow down to her on sunday, salute her when her birthday comes"

yes. i have everything i need. Hanah is moving to Texas on the 1st of August and I couldn't be anymore thrilled. I only have two more weeks left in these glorious mountains and then a nice much needed trip to Oregon following.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i love strawberry daiquiris and sweet wine.

written by a girl hidden away on a mountaintop

2008-06-12T14:50:21Z

i was your gypsy throwing diamonds at your feet.

i have alot to give someone, someday. Perhaps someday, someone will leave me by the wayside. And that will be poetic justice.

summer notes

2008-06-03T22:25:10Z

discovery for the day:
1. handwashing clothes can be the most peaceful of things. what a trance i can slip into then.
2. making piles of items i need when going on trips is thrilling because i can use my organizational skills. Also, it's like climbing through an escapade of mountains.
3. I purpously buy and check out more books than I know I will read because it not only makes me feel a little bit brilliant, but I know there is no way I will get bored.
4. I am taking approximately 21 books with me on a three week adventure; plus a pocket dictionary. Yes, it is necessary I have each book.
5. There is no money left in my checking account, but everything is alright until my parents find out.

I am young, good-looking, and an artist so i say let the summer come as beautifully as it wants to come.

6. i miss christina. (the hit it & quit it girl)

the things one makes must be worth what it takes. stars though we all are, each in his own life, to one another we are just "someone else."

we are but a memory (apart).

2008-05-06T23:55:35Z

i have been sleeping where you can't find me.
~
Who am I? Who is this girl I hear talking?
~
Only a weariness, a longing for a shoulder to sleep on, a pair of arms to curl up in - and a lack of that now. Must you wait again, till some boy down the beach likes you, asks you out, kisses you - - - and you see the evening shrink to an artificial two-dimensional slice of time - - - - must you wait till then before you feel the full impact of your loneliness?
~
and I am caught in musing - - how life is a swift motion, a continuous flowing, changing, and how one is always saying goodbye and going places, seeing people, doing things. You feel the days slipping by, and you wonder what you have for your nineteen years, and you think about how, with difficulty and concentration, you could bring back a day, a day of sun, blue skies, and watercoloring by the sea.
.

so you wait paitently in the lavender rain and think I desire the things which will destroy me in the end.

there is a birthday girl somewhere

2008-04-27T14:50:11Z

III.
I carry you with me
in my dreams
interwoven & pressed gently beneath
the palms of my hands.
i have always carried you with me.
into midnights creeping light
hollow and crumbling thunder.
Running through gardens along
cold irregular paths
breath sounds echoing
low and fast.
I've got seductive fingers
trailing whispers along skin
You've got this lingering
about you.
(i know you do).
i wish i had sylvia plath
& you
a ted hughes
& i'd let the sea
swallow me and you whole.
what about dylan and his
Barcelona queen
i've got this ship & two hands
oh i'll find a way out.
I've got seductive fingers
trailing whispers along skin
You've got this lingering
about you.
I know you do.
(You know you do.)

(with the tide splashing us & the sea swallowing you whole.
i'd make sure you wouldn't come up.)